Family Values
By Bart Vogelzang

Fact: Loving nurture is the backbone of our family values, in concert with honesty. An accident, like damaging something without deliberate intent, is the sad reality of being a kid, but lying about it is a major issue, to be dealt with immediately. Accept responsibility.
– Christian zealots: It’s Satan’s fault and it’s God’s word, not a lie or an error.

Fact: Share what you have with those important to you. Support for each other should be almost total. Sure, siblings have disagreements; which family doesn’t, but when it comes to kinship, family is first, neighbors and friends next, and the rest of the world after that.
– Christian zealots: God and Jesus first, others in your religion, then family.

Fact: Love each other, love your animal companions, and respect all living things. Each life is valuable and deserves respect, from the birds in the garden to the cats in the house, the scary old man in the overgrown corner house, to the snake crossing the hot summer tarmac.
– Christian zealots: God gave us dominion over the animals, so we can do what we want to them. Only Christians are worthy of respect.

Fact: Be fair in all dealings with others, giving them the benefit of the doubt, being generous with your time and effort, and always treat them with courtesy. If others believe something you don’t, respect their right to do so with never a comment or even a sly or condescending glance.

– Christian zealots: Sneer and scream hateful comments at anyone believed to be wrong in any way.

Fact: Be open to other ideas. Even if you are not religious, fully support any enquiries the kids may have to explore different churches or cultures. Continue to learn about the world and people. Mistakes not understood are bound to be made again, as in the expression “history repeats itself”.
– Christian zealots: God has spoken through the Bible, so there is no room for other ideas whatsoever.

Fact: Don’t spend beyond your means. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. Work hard and be creative in getting the money you need. If you do need to borrow money for something unexpected and vital, pay it back as soon as you possibly can, even if it means sacrificing other things you’ve been used to having or doing. If you lend money to family or friends make an agreement in writing, and never lend it if you cannot find it in yourself to forgive the entire amount without remorse.
– Christian zealots: Get tax breaks under false pretenses, lie to get donations, and contest the estates of deceased relatives.

Fact: Communicate effectively and often. People may think that one can know another so well that nothing needs to be said, but that simply isn’t true. Show your love and concern with both words and actions on a regular basis.
– Christian zealots: Obscure your real plans and utter hateful messages disguised as loving ones as often as possible, particularly at times and events in which others are emotionally vulnerable.

Fact: Greet, and leave each person you like as if it is the last time you will see them; it may well be. Never leave anyone with bitter thoughts or words…if the person should die you will never be able to apologize.
– Christian zealots: Never agree with anyone who doesn’t believe exactly as you do, and leave them feeling awful and violated.

Fact: Never strike anyone or anything, for any reason except immediate self defense, and only to the extent needed to stop the danger.
– Christian zealots: Smite any who don’t agree with your interpretation of the word of God.

Fact: Have sex with protection, and do it with those you care for, since it is not only a bodily function but also an expression of love, compassion and commitment.
– Christian zealots: Sex is for procreation only within a sanctified relationship; otherwise it is a horrible sin.

Fact: Be willing to admit you are wrong, and fix things.
– Christian zealots: Are never wrong, and follow the Bible totally. (ROFLMAO)

Fact: Always take on your fair share of whatever work and effort is required, or more.
– Christian zealots: Pray for it to happen.

Fact: I prefer my family values, thank-you very much!
– Christian zealots: Abuse the term “family values”.